Mack and the five wives

Some of you may be familiar with a group of friends I have in Dallas – the sisterwives. Ok no they’re not actually ~sisterwives~ but the name just kind of stuck one day. They consist of Paige (PMS), Augusta (Sassy), Cayla (Cay), Kassidy (KK), and Katie (KT). And honestly, I’m in actual love with each of them. Just not at the same time, I change my favorite almost daily. They’re all pretty and funny so u can’t really go wrong. At any given time of day, I’m telling at least one of them how much I love them. The hardest part of this entire post was narrowing down my favorite pics to just one per wive.


it’s the cat ears

It starts with Paige though. I first met her my first semester at Tech. I went to church once and she sat within 300ft of me so I was aware of her. We had mutual friends. She also introduced herself at Pagina. Hard “juh”. To the entire church.  She scared the shit out of me every time I saw her. Nipple pinching (mine, not hers) and I just didn’t know how to handle her. Anyway, five years later and I still don’t really understand her. She’s helped through some hard times and helped me grow up too. She’s my best friend. I’m not crying rn. I’ll stop before this entire post becomes about her.


all 3 drinks are hers. who wouldn’t approach this beaut

Next is Kassidy. I met her a few times when I would come to Dallas and see Paige. But the most important thing, MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT HER, is that she is Winston’s mom. I’ll write about him soon. And honestly, I don’t have a time where I loved her the most, it’s just every time I see her face I remember why. That’s why her pic is so far away, any closer and the world would explode.




cay on the left with bangs and the best teeth. but tbh this is also v good of sassy on the right

Then I met Cayla, kind of. She would cyber bully me on Twitter before I moved to Dallas. She even helped me find jobs too. I haven’t even met the girl yet. We bonded over the Spurs and stuff like that. She’s always been nice to me. And I’m absolutely petrified what it’s like to be on the other side of her. She’s blunt and frank and confrontational. But somebody has to be. She’s the one I argue with the most too. Whether it’s sports, rappers, politics, or why she thinks garth brooks is better than King George. I loved Cayla the most around the holiday’s last year. I guess you can chalk it up to football/basketball season too. But I latched onto her quickly after moving her. Her mistake for letting me in. I actually trust her so much I sent her my banking information last week when we had some miscommunication.



KT wouldn’t let me use my actual fav pic of her using the dog filter

I met KT the same day as I physically met Cayla. I made dinner for them the day my truck was hit by an apartment gate my first weekend in Dallas and left a 6ft dent down the side. (ok tbh I think I met KT like 4 years ago at a red lobster in Lubbock but I’m still not completely sure.) KT is funny. Everything she says is a surprise, even to her. She gives pretty good advice too. The time I was most in love with KT was on Sept 1st, 2015. It was the day of Paige’s first stand up routine. Her hair was amazing. KT’s, not Paige’s. One time I saw a snapchat of KT singing pieces of me by ashlee simpson so now that’s our song.




this is the pic i show everyone

Last but certainly not least (cliché) I met Sassy. Who at the moment, is the one I’m in love with the most right now. I met her that night at dinner for Paige’s stand up.  Every time we all go somewhere, I make it my mission to sit near Sassy. I never want her to stop talking. She fascinates me. I say the word chic now because I emulate her unconsciously. One time we took our first picture together and I showed every person I ever met.



I went through a break up about 2 months ago and the wives came to the rescue. I mean, it wasn’t a bad or particularly rough one, but still a break up. They took me care of me, took me to brunch, and said, “it’s ok honey, here’s some mimosa, drink up.”

gosh mimosa
“another one – dj khaled” – sassy

One thing that is difficult to grasp about the wives is that they are all “the alpha.” It’s hard enough to be with one of them for an hour. I actually don’t have the physical capacity to be around more than 3 of them at once. I’ll just start melting/pissing myself. I’m so scared by each and every one of them. I don’t really know why they scare me so much. But each one can put the fear of god in me with one look or one sentence. They have no shame or embarrassment and will ask the tough questions. The shit that comes out of their mouth should honestly never be said 99% of the time. There’s no breaks. No timeouts. No stoppage time. It’s ongoing exhaustion to be around that many women at once. I’ve actually synced up with them so the 22nd is especially difficult for all 6 of us. When they get emotional about something, I get emotional.

cry schmidt

I am physically fatigued after seeing them. However, the physical toll of being around the wives holds nothing on the emotional toll. You can always sit down while they go dance and jump on bars. But you can never ignore them or tune them out. They literally tear down the town each time they go out. I can only attend once a quarter bc that’s all my doctor allows. They’re kind of like puppies; you just let them run around a bit until they tire themselves out and then you can take them home.


One time for my birthday the wives sent me a box of cookies from tiff’s treats and i still have the card that came with it taped up next to my cubicle. I have so many inside jokes with each of them, except only I know about them. I buy them gifts (Christmas, birthdays, half-birthdays, pet’s birthday, DLS, bc it’s Tuesday, etc) and tell them how much I love all the time. Just hoping to get something in return. On Thanksgiving I say I’m thankful for the wives. I only crave words of affirmation from the wives. What my mother says to me means nothing.

You know how stray dogs kind of wander up to a house and the family feeds it and pets it just one time and then he just never leaves? And the family says “well, we didn’t really adopt him, he just kind of adopted us.” That’s me with the wives. They let me in one time and now I don’t give them the option to let me go bc I need  them.


6 thoughts on “Mack and the five wives

  1. So I’m you mother. Nothing I say means anything to you just on Thanksgiving? Or year round….smartass.


  2. This was a great read. I am Sassy’s aunt so maybe I’m a little prejudice but happy to read anything about her. I can totally see you do not exaggerate. I admire the heck out of you, you have learned how to persevere with all this estrogen around you without losing yourself! They need you!! Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

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