I’m a regular on KKITM and nobody knows

Hi gang. I’m going to take this opportunity to let everyone know that occasionally in my free time I am a radio star/personality. Sure, my voice hasn’t been featured on air yet. But I’m a topic of discussion sometimes on Tuesdays around 8am CST on 106.1 Kiss Fm is Dallas Fort Worth’s number one hit music station.

For those of you unfamiliar with the show, Kidd Kraddick in the Morning is broadcasted from Dallas and I’ve been a listener for many years now. When I moved to Dallas a year ago, I made it one of my goals to meet the cast members. One in particular: the phone screener, Elena Davies. I’ve already met Big Al at his bar one night, and I even ran into Jenna Owens at a Stars game earlier this year. But I have been wanting to land an actual date with Elena. And the confidence I get from my anti-anxiety meds makes me think I have a shot.

date

Every Tuesday, they bring her in the studio and she has a bit called Tinder Tuesday where she discusses online dating tips etc. And occasionally they ask her about her love life.  This is where I am introduced. I’ve been flirting with her on twitter for about a year. Honestly, the day I moved here I started working on her. For the most part, it has been discreetly in her DM’s. With a few public tweets and quotes etc. But since those are public, cast members of the show saw them. And asked her about them unexpectedly. She was a little flustered but gave the background to our relationship. I call it a relationship because technically it is. Every person you know, you have a relationship with, so let me have this.

chip gif

I would ask her to go to Ranger games or get dinner or just whatever. But she‘d always find a reason as to why she couldn’t make it. There’s a middle part of this story where I actually had a real life girlfriend for about 7 months, but only serious for about 4 months. So during those 4 months, I HAD TO CUT ELENA OFF YOU HEARD ME. VIRTUALLY NO CONTACT EXCEPT FOR OUR VIRTUAL CONTACT. Anyway so when that ended my first thought was hey I wonder what Elena is doing next weekend.

We’re talking quite frequently now, she’s a hot commodity so frequently means sometimes almost daily. But she’s letting me in. Another week or two go by, I’ve found great dates to take her on but still no dice. Then I get brought up on air again. So soon enough I’m v popular around the morning show office. KELLIE RASBERRY IS PRO-MACK. She adores me. The second time I’m talked about on air was pretty revealing. Elena actually read our messages. She even read the pickup line I sent her for the Fourth of July “damn girl, are you a firework? bc you are really pretty and I’m scared of you.” The problem with that line though, I used it on literally every girl I have ever met that weekend. It’s a great line it needs to be heard and I wanted feedback for it. Repeating lines is going to get me in trouble sooner or later. But that particular line right there caused some tension. THE ROOM DIVIDED ON WHETHER I HAD GAME OR NOT. Half of them liked my lines, the other half not so much, who knew my third middle name was Moses.

parting_sea

Elena would go on to read about a romantic first date I planned for her:

There’s a cool, chic restaurant that plays movies on a brick wall outside. I talked to the manager and they are going to play her favorite movie  and have her favorite flowers on the table. (calm down, she gave me this information one day when we were talking. I don’t just creepily know them.) After dinner, we would go to a comedy show that I like. It’s improv, kind of like Whose Line is it Anyway? Except with Baylor theater kids who have other actual real jobs. After the show, we could get drinks somewhere, go back to the same restaurant for midnight brunch, or call it a night. It’d be up to her. Nice date, right?

clapping

Well, the twitter account for the radio show put up a poll on whether or not she should accept this date. I’m not gonna lie, that hurt. She was supposed to say yes on her own, but I get that part of her job is to talk about her life on air. The fans of the show have spoken and they want her to go on the date. Some of their reasoning isn’t what I was hoping for, but overall it was an overwhelming yes. Did I mention Kellie Rasberry loves me? Some of the other members of the show found my twitter and follow me etc. They think I’m funny. The best thing Elena ever said was “He’s funny.” She said that about me on air. Millions of people heard her say it. She thinks I’m funny and it’s all I think about. I took a soundbite of the show and those words are my ringtone when I get a message.

I told her when the date is and she had a concert to attend. I changed the reservation. She’s out of town. This has been exhausting for me. I doesn’t look like the fancy date will happen. But I don’t think the door is closed completely. If you ever find this Elena, I’m still waiting.

waiting

I’ll leave you with this dating tip: when women say all they want is man with a sense of humor, it’s a lie. They want everything else too. My humor has gotten me nowhere except my friends convincing me to start my own blog so they don’t have to listen to me anymore.

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