The best lines that never get me a date

does anyone remember the one season this was on mtv

damn girl are u a firework, because you’re really pretty and im scared of you.

you’re cuter than kittens dressed up as puppies

i like my women like i like my chicken wings: so hot they make me cry and regret ever thinking I could handle them (credit to kramer for sending me this one, also hbd if u read this)

shocking new discovery: you are very cute. scientists everywhere are blushing (credit reddit)

the only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name

damn girl are you a bug, because you’re annoying but not always

know what’s on the menu? Me-n-u

damn girl are the exit sign, because i want to be near you (works for introverts)

you hear about pluto? that’s messed up right (this is several years late, is pluto a planet again?)

so giraffes…… too tall?

baby i wish i was your derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves (works for nerds, credit reddit)

ur ass is grass and i’m gonna mow it


here let me tie your shoe, i don’t want you falling for anyone else

nice shoes. wanna fuck (hands down my absolute favorite line in the world)

go out with me, it’s for a school project

damn girl are you my appendix? because i don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out

you’re hotter than the bottom of my laptop (credit reddit)


hi im white and dont know how to dance. would you like to teach me? (said to a black girl at a black club in lubbock one time. literally nobody knows this story)

i’m gonna tap you like a maple tree

hi would you like to date me? if you say no then im just kidding

Actually…………… it IS a roll of quarters in my pocket, wanna go to the arcade?

are you a mad scientist bc you are frankenfiiiiiine

if you were a flower you’d be a dammmndelion

im not staring, i’m binge watching you


if you were a fruit you’d be a cutecumber

i’m reading the book of numbers and i was really hoping to get yours (works on religious girls its a bible joke i think)

is it hot in here or is it just you

what’s your sign (my favorite response that i ever got has been “stop”)((get it? a stop sign. she was funny))

I like my women like my third-word nations: undeveloped and willing to do anything for U.S. dollars. (credit reddit)

your eyes are as blue as the ocean and baby im lost at sea

doctor’s order, ur suffering from a lack of vitamin me

i said please??????


*disclaimer: not all of them are original. this list has been compiled between sharing among friendsĀ as well as reddit users*

**i also asked every girl i ever hit on what their favorite line of mine was and that didn’t go so well so im sure there are some that are lost and forgotten**

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