Call me stan the man with a plan and no tan pls dont call me that

ok first off i would like to reiterate please don’t call me that. But I didn’t know what else to title this.

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LITTLE DOES SHE KNOW

I have a problem when it comes to planning. It can be something as simple as a regular dinner. But I need a proper headcount of who will be attending and what time it’s starting and are we drinking and who is riding with who and are we doing anything afterwards what about beforehand if i saw you yesterday do i really need to see you a second day in a row we need to give ourselves time to miss each other and something new to talk about i can’t offer this much to my friends so frequently.

cant-do-this

me every weekend when i think if i actually need to see my friends

I have already buzzkilled the fun out of getting together bc I needed to plan it so hard. Nobody is excited anymore. We all stare at each other mundanely trying to stick to the itinerary. Next up I have allowed 21mins to talk about JonBenet conspiracies before we move on to does anybody know what happened to tara reid.

jonbenet-ramsey

tbqmfhwu i think it was brock turner who put Ricin in her snack pack

I like to have reservations. DAYS in advance. Three weekends in a row I’ve made brunch reservations after successfully obtaining a headcount no later than Wednesday.  I’m the guy who even requests a certain table bc I am a regular at the restaurant. My day is perfectly planned out just fine. We’ll brunch for 3hrs. I’ll go buy new dress shoes for my sister’s wedding in my brunch tipsy stupor and then I’ll go home and nap. Then I’ll wake up sunday ready to go. Ok if I start washing my car at 9am.. that gives me 2hrs to obsessively detail it, shower, and budget for 30mins to get downtown and brunch again. Ok I can do this – ready? break

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wives sans cayla appreciate me i am so high right now

I plan more than just food activities though. I have my days planned out even on days I don’t do anything. I make a list of everything that needs to be done from washing my sheets to cleaning the windows to going to tom thumb to researching stuff online to when i wrap a present to when I should cook dinner to how long should i hate myself to which movie i should watch on hbo before i turn it off to watch football on the one cable tv station i get to what time i should iron my shirt for the date i dont have this weekend.

Even the one time every other month I “go out” to bars. I plan how many drinks I can have at each bar as a way of discipline and budgeting. U might think I meant budgeting money, but i mean budgeting the fun I’m having. I don’t like to have too much.

hateron

The worst is when I plan a date. I set them up in tiers (read: tears, bc it’s sad rn.) I like to have plenty of stuff to do just it case it goes really well. AND THEY ALL GO REALLY WELL BC I AM AMAZING AND THE BEST AT DATES. ask anybody. ok how about u just ask the last girl i went on a date with she enjoyed it a lot but not enough for a second one those events are mutually exclusive the date was still v good im not exaggerating.

believeme

i have no idea what this is from

I have now started planning dates and gift ideas for my friends and their SO’s. Oh ur bf likes comics? Take him to an arcade. There is a burger and milkshake place down the road. Boom. 3 hour date. Oh ur bf was born out of town? His hometown team is playing in Dallas the week before  his birthday. Buy a shirt and wear it for him, he’ll shit. Oh a girl ur into likes pizza? Take her iceskating and then get pizza and beer down the street from the rink. It’s an excuse for innocent touching to build sexual tension for the evening. why isn’t anybody paying me for this. if you need another good first date idea the fair is in town for a few weeks and halloween is approaching so there will be haunted houses or fright fest at six flags. again with the same reasoning behind iceskating except this time she will grab onto you and come to you for protection and validation. It gets her heart rate up there and she will forever associate you with the thrill of the night

angelina
 

i even plan out this part of the night in my head. this is when she looks at you after she realized what a man u are and says ravish me take me now u beast

Even if I go out of town for the day, I plan the trip. I drove down to Wimberly last month and I had my full day planned from 8am-8pm. Shower, gas station, gas station coffee, Buccees, snack, party for 3hrs, leave by 4pm, Buccees/snack, finish the day with a romcom before going to bed at 10pm on a saturday. I went home to Tyler last month too. Leave by 9am, go home, see the dogs, get suits with mom, take mom to lunch, hangout with the dogs, go see friend and her family for 2hrs, leave by 5pm to get home and have dinner with friends around 7:30pm. finish the evening with a romcom and im in bed by 10pm on a saturday.

people-think-youre-old-because-you-go-bed-early

every sadurday

I even plan months in advance sometimes. like if I find a cool event I want to go to in Dallas, I write it down on a calendar I printed out so I can keep track of all the stuff I’ll never go to anyway. Because let’s be honest I plan so it keeps me busy from actually doing anything I’m living a lie

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