Okay so I did know two (2) people going into this weekend. But they were the most important ones. I knew the birthday girl and her bestfriend. And I was promised tacos so I said ok I’ll be there.
I start to prepare myself for Sonorah’s birthday. I figured we’d go ham on Saturday so I was promptly in bed by 10pm on Friday. Buddy and I got about 11 hours of sleep (that’s the dog I’m sitting right now.)
My nightmare begins. My razor breaks halfway when I’m done shaving my face. I charged it the night before and it just stops. I’m upset but I don’t have time to be. I go buy a new razor at Target and it’s very obvious why I am there buying one. Cashier is nice enough not to say anything. I finish shaving. I sit on my couch in anticipation for the taco festival that starts in 3 hours.
TACOLANDIA IS THE PLACE I WANT TO BE BURIED.
I meet up with my two friends (Sonorah, the birthday girl and Meagan, who understands me on a different level and is the owner of the best pair of legs this side of the Mississippi.) It was also pretty cool to meet the small city of patrons they brought along to the festival.Everyone is nice and excited and we all have the same mindset. We were all there for the same reason. We knew the goal. I scream, you scream, we all scream for tacos. We go to the nearest line that has less than 300 people in it. The first taco is the best taco. Oh the pulled roast chicken or whatever meat it was was delicious. The tortilla was calienter than hades but don’t worry that did not slow me down from eating it in one bite I honestly don’t think it touched my tongue. The corn mix or salsa or whatever it was on top was superb. I don’t know how to describe food ok. Literally every taco I had was good. And that’s as far as I can elaborate. It’s still a taco, I’m still gonna eat it. EXCEPT FOR THE ONE THAT DIDN’T HAVE MEAT. IT WAS HOT MUSHY ZUCCHINI AND A WIMPY SOGGY CORN TORTILLA. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU DOUBLE UP CORN TORTILLAS. I threw it on the ground. There was tons of cool swaq around the event too. I grabbed like 4 free avocados that were just sitting there in a bin like a $5 movie at walmart. There was a dos equis booth handing out samples. All you had to do was pretend that you haven’t had a dos equis before??? Another cool thing about this event was that it was required to be beautiful to attend. I snuck in through a portajohn like a sewage monster. But this was the most Dallas thing I’ve seen in awhile. Beautiful people, being outside, drinking alcohol near food, but not necessarily eating it. It was paradise.
I leave the taco fest and race home to check on Buddy and change out of my sweaty taco scented clothes. Buddy is fine, he’s actually upset that I disturbed him. It’s hard trying to love. Anyway, I call an Uber because I’m responsible and knew I probably shouldn’t be driving later. The Uber arrives and I ask him to take me to Garland. GARLAND. Literally before my door closes he asks if I have any dope. 1) maybe don’t ask me that 2) maybe don’t call it dope because it’s not 1967 3) this is gonna be a long drive to freaking Garland. 4) long story short yadayadayada uber refunded me for the ride lol
I arrive at a house and hope it’s the right one. It is. Sonorah says omg hi and then she shits herself when she sees that I brought temporary Dark Mark tattoos. I walk inside and thank god Meagan is there (the only other person I know) and I cling to her because I’m nervous around new people. But then I see the new girl. The cutest girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. She wasn’t at tacolandia with us earlier. Her smile lights up a room, her hair is so platnium and soft, her eyes so blue I can’t help but to get lost at sea, she looks at me like I’m the only person in the room. I walk over to her and nervously introduce myself. She’s quiet but acknowledges me. She’s mysterious, I can dig it. I have to go for it, I can’t waste anymore time. I rub her belly and ask her if she’s a good girl and oh man was she ever. ZOEY IS THE FREAKING CUTEST AND SHE WAS POLITE AND WELL BEHAVED BUT SHE ALSO KNEW WHEN IT WAS TIME TO PLAY. My favorite thing about her (besides all of her) was either this adorable brown spot of fur on her butt at the beginning of her tail, or the pink around one of her eyes. I kept asking her if anyone farted on her pillow, but I couldn’t get a definitive answer. She even has elephants on her collar and I wore my elephant socks!!! what are the chances!!
I pull myself away from her because it’s Sonorah’s birthday. We hangout for a bit and get ready to head out and it’s 10pm. WE LEAVE TO GO OUT AT 10PM. This is when I am typically already done. Like I’ve already been out, had my two drinks, and went home at a reasonable hour. But this is Sonorah’s birthday and we do what she says because we care and love for her deeply.
First stop is some place with a $100 Moscow Mule. It’s basically the size of a bathtub. Oh hey speaking of bathtub, if you’ve never had a moscow mule it tastes exactly like sour bathwater. Save your money and never buy one. But this isn’t about me. I suck it up (literally, they made me participate in drinking it ) and smile because this is what Sonorah wanted. She’s so happy so that makes happy. NEXT STOP IS JUST SOME RANDOM BAR THAT WE FOUND WALKING DOWN THE STREET. I knew the bar though. It was Big Al’s bar. From Kidd Kraddick. I’m sure all of us are familiar with what my ties are to Kidd Kraddick. U can freshen up here and also over here. Anyway, we all see Big Al and I reintroduce myself (I’ve met him before) and he still is not impressed when I tell him that I am a Mack too. But it’s fine. He stays and chats for a bit and wishes Sonorah a happy birthday so she loved it. We stay and listen to white people embarrass themselves to karaoke for about an hour or so and then we head down the street again for one last stop. We hangout at bar #3 for not too long, but it was long enough for to me grab plenty of coasters and match boxes. We all split and go home happy birthday Sonorah we made it until 2am.
I wake up at like 8am because that happens to me after I go out the night before I wake up earlier?? But we have big brunch plans so I’m rather excited. I have been wanting to go to Henry’s Majestic for quite some time but finally got it together enough to go this past weekend. It was awesome. The food was good enough to go back, but the main attraction (besides me, heyo) was the sparkle bar. It’s a self-serve fruit and juice bar that you add to your mimosa. HOW COOL IS THAT. REALLY TELL ME HOW COOL IT IS I DONT HAVE A COMPARISON. GO AHEAD, I’LL WAIT. I start off with a classic. I had only cranberry juice and few pieces of fruit. I get back to the table and sure enough I thought I could survive one brunch without having to hear it, but somebody asks me how my uti is doing. SORRY IF I LIKE CRANBERRY JUICE IT’S NOT THAT WEIRD OF A DRINK AND MY UTI IS FINE THANKS TO THE CRANBERRY JUICE. We are enjoying our meal and I realize it’s time to make another mim. And like an unsupervised kid at Cici’s Pizza, I pull an adult suicide (the soda fountain version, not an actual adult suicide mom I promise I’m alive.) I mix all the available juices and fruits into one magnificent glass of mimosa.
Sonorah opens the gift I got her, because I love other people’s birthdays. Oh what is that? Is that a Slytherin themed coffee mug? Oh wow that’s really sweet of me I combined two of her favorite things into one gift: coffee and Harry Potter. Omg is that something inside the mug? Omg mack it is. It’s a Slytherin themed bath bomb!!!! Mack this is amazing thank you so much. Oh there’s something else?! mack this is too much please stop. The secret though is that the next gift is given in the process of a Russian nesting doll, the bath bomb has a patronus inside. I don’t even know what it is. IT’S BASICALLY A GIFT FOR THE BOTH OF US. Well, not to use together. That’s just for her. Her bf would not be happy about that, but I mean I am also very excited to see what patronus she gets alright get off my back I love other people’s birthdays. Buying gifts for people makes me feel warm in my hollow tin chest.
Brunch is over. Everyone is sad. We’re saying our goodbyes. I go to the farmer’s market. They go carve pumpkins. I fall asleep halfway through the Cowboys game. It’s my perfect Sunday and it wasn’t even my birthday.