Astrology matches with every woman i have ever met but im not psycho



I have no idea how to write about this. This is an strange situation for me, but I want to share. I have asked for opinions on how to pitch this without being creepy (This weekend I just saw the movie “Unsane” which is about a stalker and I don’t want to be pictured like David Strine.) My blogger friend Paige said to frame it as “this is just for fun and friendship compatibility.” Which is a little true yes, this is just for fun and I do have friends mentioned. But honestly I do not need another female friend in my life. I need to trade some in actually. And all Augusta had to offer for advice was “omg this is wild HAHA.” and then I didn’t hear from her again for days.

sometimes i dont think augusta is real

So I uhm…. made a spreadsheet once about the women in my life and how our astrology matches up. This is stretched from regular platonic friends, actual crushes, married women, and even people I have not yet formally met. SO IT’S A LITTLE ODD. But it started out as fun when I was researching for ONE PERSON. Because I was bored and astrology is entertaining to read (as long as it tells me what I want to know.) I did this initially last year when Augusta had asked if I read to see which sisterwive I am most compatible with. And from there it has spiraled out of control. AND IM NOT CRAZY.

this is from a year ago when her last name was neal


AND AGAIN, I don’t want this to be weird. But I am obsessed with personality things. So I started reading about astrology and the personality traits of my people whose birthdays I knew. I also read everything about male Taurus’ because I love learning about myself. Especially if I can be told who/what I am rather than finding out organically and being self-aware. If the internet tells me I have xxx trait, then that’s what I believe to be true. If the moon tells me my mood is gonna shitty today then stay outta my way.


Cayla was the original wive to get me into astrology though. She would talk about it to me whether I wanted to hear it or not. So then I started listening to her bc she has a way of making you listen, i think that’s one of the traits of Sagittarius tbh. So as a housewarming gift I got her a custom astrology themed print.


Behold: The compatibility percentage of a male Taurus with a female xxx. AND THE WOMEN IN MY LIFE. I HAD TO CENSOR SOME OF THE NAMES BECAUSE YES I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD. Also this would be a lot more accurate if everyone would just send me their birthchart instead of me scrolling facebook for visible birthdays.


So some of you might be shocked to find out how incompatible we are. It’s okay, please decompress and come back when you are ready. Take all the time that you need. This is also the time I would like to draw attention to THE ABSOLUTE HORSESHIT THIS POSSESSES. 23% compatibility with Gemini??? Sandra and Maranda are two of my best friends this can’t be right. 33% with Libra?? Sonorah and I have great chemistry and always HAVE A FUN TIME WHEN WE HANGOUT. 29% with Leo??? This is mainly to remind everyone that I once dated the hell out of Elena Davies and honestly the in-person sparks were so great and we play well off each other, but that might just be because we both have a sick sense of humor. Another super important one that needs recognition, 88% with Pisces. I mean wow. If that’s not a sign for BB to finally go out with me then I’m not sure what is. Also yes, you are reading this right. I do have my two most recent hair stylists mentioned on here. Compatibility is important if I get my hair cut almost once a month!

For the rest of you, if you are wondering if you might be mentioned, you’re gonna have to keep wondering. I don’t think that I will ever clarify who the censored answers are, but hey, if the shoe fits.

wear it

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