Rachel McAdams Power Ranking

It’s no secret. I love Rachel McAdams. So much so that I just binge watched a ton of her movies (that I already own) so that I can declare a proper ranking of which specific Rachel I love the most. We’ll start it off from worst to first. And it’s very obvious who will be worst.

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FUCKING LAST PLACE IS MIDNIGHT IN PARIS (2011)

Inez: Wow, what a horrible fuckin name, too. That’s just the tip of the iceberg of reasons I hate her. Sure, there’s a handful of movies that I won’t be mentioning. But I needed to go out of my way to let everybody know how much I hate her in this movie. The movie is good! I like the movie. But man, her character is such a bitch. I don’t hold it against her, I know she’s just acting. But this was hard for me to watch. She could not be closer to the devil. She’s the worst in this movie, but I know that’s the point. I just can’t get over it. Physically? She’s amazing. But her personality makes me want to set her on fire. She just shits all over her husband’s happiness. She lets Owen Wilson walk around Paris drunker than Cooter Brown while she goes DANCING WITH ANOTHER MAN. THAT IS NOT GOOD??  I mean it works out for Owen in the end. I should mention this post will contain spoilers for most of the movies. This is a 100% cool movie for Owen’s character. Paris would probably be really dope. I really need to get into wine soon. It just tastes so fuckin bad. It makes me hot and not in a good way. Okay listen to this line she says “If I’m asleep when you get in, don’t wake me up” IF MY SPOUSE EVER SAYS THAT ME OH IDK WHAT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN BUT IT’S UPSETTING. She doesn’t do any flirting with him, she shuts it down so fast. I don’t care old you are, or how long you’ve been together. You should never stop flirting with your partner. She just never supports him and things his interests are silly. It was doomed from the get-go. But if I was deaf I would probably stick it out, she’s so beautiful.

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SHE DOESNT LOVE HIM

10) The Vow (2012)

Paige: It’s rumored that most beautiful women have names that feature an a. She has super dark hair in this one. Yes, please. OK so Channing Tatum is a moron and he could NEVER get her. Cmon… especially if he is wearing a wicker fedora the first time they meet. But she looks like Edna Mode so they both made mistakes.  I didn’t take the best of notes during this movie because nothing was really that great about her. It’s such a sad concept. She is pushing him away half the movie and is just so cold. But I get it, to her he is a stranger. But now that I’m rewatching this movie and paying attention (wink wink the first time I saw this I was on a date) I AM ACTUALLY FALLING FOR CHANNING NOW. He is trying so hard for her!!! He takes her on a second first date and it’s the cutest thing. The movie ends with her wearing a beanie (love) in the snow (double love, i love women in the cold) and she is reasking him for date and they walk off into happiness.

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same, girl.

9) Time Traveler’s Wife (2009)

Claire: BANGS. I am not a bangs guy but sometimes I can make exceptions and this really isn’t one of them. I just want her to look at me the way she looks at Henry the first time she meets him in real life. This was a little hard for me to keep up with tbh. I’m not good with timelines or traveling types of movies. Her steel blue eyes!!! They’re like titanium or something idk. She’s so accepting of his flaws. Ya know, like disappearing. But eventually she does start getting pissed about it. She has loved this man her entire life. Even before they ~met~. And that’s how love is supposed to feel. AND THAT’S HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU RACHEL I’VE LOVED YOU EVEN BEFORE WE MET

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8) Sherlock Holmes (2010ish)

Irene Adler: ok now that I rewatched these movies strictly to take notes on her, I realize just how little she is featured in this series?? Both movies. Was there 3? I only watched 2. But I just want to mention that the Irene Adler from the BBC Sherlock is probably my favorite Irene Adler. I still have plenty of nice things to say about Rachel though. She’s proper and sophisticated. It could just be her accent though. I’m fine with it. I wrote down the word “sultry” but I’m not sure what I meant at the time. She’s got LOONNGG hair and it’s amazing, no bangs. She’s got fair skin but like royalty ya know. She dresses like a circus ring master because it’s olden English days and I’m into it because one time BB did that for Halloween.

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7.5) Mean Girls (2004)

Regina: wow ok so I completely forgot about Mean Girls. This was an afterthought and I just snuck her in here. Strictly bases on her physical presence. She’s a bitch in this movie but she was 24yo IN REAL LIFE so we would be perfect for each other IN REAL LIFE.

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7) True Detective (2015)

Ok I don’t have HBO so I actually haven’t watched any of her in this. But just going off google images I’m fine placing her here.

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i’d let her put me in handcuffs any day

6) Morning Glory (2010)

Becky: Not the best name but it could certainly be worse. She’s a workaholic, very Type A, peppy, optimistic (I need that because I am very not optimistic), and she’s neurotic. And fuck Jeff Goldblum he’s a jerk. It’s cute when she karate chops the elevator door!! There’s this one scene when she DISHES out the power moves during a meeting and it’s so amazing. She has bangs… but it’s ok 😦 her skin is glowing even under all of her stress. But there’s this one scene she has on sunglasses and they look like my blind grandmother’s she got at a kiosk in a drug emporium. This movie is semi-old but it’s not that old?? Whoever dressed her was the blind one. She’s so awkward and is not good at dating, it’s disarming and charming. Just like me <3. I also wrote down “flamingo stand” but I can’t remember why. She probably just stands on one leg and I think it’s adorable. She described herself as “bungle and ramble” and I think that’s perfect.  I don’t want to get too graphic but there is a particularly great ass scene when she’s wearing heels but she’s such a workaholic it doesn’t last long. ALSO she walks like Charlie Chaplin in one scene and it honestly almost ruins the entire movie. During her interview with The Today Show is the best she’s ever looked.

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5) Southpaw (2015)

Maureen: She stands behind her man and is v supportive of him. Keeps him calm. She’s a pretty city girl from poor NYC. Big gaudy jewelry. She knows she’s hot. AND SHE IS HOT IN THIS ONE. They have matching tattoos.

OK WHAT THE FUCK I FORGOT SHE DIES IN THIS MOVIE. this is an absolutely horrific death scene it’s not gross or anything, just very emotional and intense. I stopped watching 30 minutes in. I can’t believe I forgot about that part. I am too upset and there’s nothing left for me in this movie now.

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4) Wedding Crashers (2005)

Claire: She giggles during wedding vows when she’s a bridesmaid. THAT IS ALMOST THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT HER. She has dark hair, but tbh it might be too dark. She plays football, she’s a ~cool~ girl. She’s so funny and man I did not take good notes during this one. I think i was too busy laughing because I forgot how funny this movie is. Also, has anyone else noticed that she rides a bike in ever movie??? Now that I’ve mentioned it, you won’t be able to not see it. Every. Single. Movie.

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3) The Notebook (2004)

Allie: TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT AND I’LL BE THAT FOR YOU. that is me. She’s like proper rich and southern but it’s such a bad accent. But still cute. Red hair because she’s such a baby. I think she was only 24 in this one. THE SAME AGE AND YEAR SHE DID MEAN GIRLS. She is 24 playing a 17yo. Hollywood is cruel. She’s very polite in a flirty way when Ryan is TRYING HIS BEST. She’s smart.. she tries to be “free” spirited. Also every fifth word has the accent so it’s not consistent. SHE IS A LADY. Doesn’t do what she wants, she always says no. (ok that sounds just like me, I am very much a no guy and never do anything that I want to.) She shoves ice cream in his face and kisses it off and that’s literally on my bucket list for rachel mcadams to kiss ice cream off my face. NOW SHE’S RIDING ANOTHER BIKE. I love their bickering. Bickering is so important.  They are PASSIONATE. She can’t drive a stick and it’s a lil cute. God I would live inside her dimple if I could. She is a war nurse for some of the movie and MAN DO I LOVE NURSES. I can’t believe how she comes back for Noah/Ryan. She’s topless painting on their porch in the house he always said he’s build for her. This movie would be higher. But it’s just too fucking sad. Yes it’s so sweet he reads to her and all of that (the first time I watched this movie I was not expecting noah and allie to be the old couple. I’m not that observant. I sobbed so hard. My biggest fear is either myself or a loved one have dementia/Alzheimers.)

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2) Game Night (2018)

Annie: This movie opens with my favorite queen song. Also, a sidenote about me, I want to be Jason Bateman. She is competitive, absolute fun. SHE’S GOOD AT SMACK TALK. She’s got an incredible lob. Like cute mom lob, but no kids. She has her husband’s back and has the mouth of a sailor. She’s smart and witty. It’s so cute how she swings a gun around thinking it’s fake. LIKE SHE PUTS IN HER MOUTH TO TAKE A PICTURE. The bar scene is my favorite scene in cinematic history. She dances and sings to Third Eye Blind and it’s the only reason I’m still on this earth. She has got a killer rump in this movie too. The bullet removal scene is the second best scene in cinematic history. They keep almost throwing up on each other and they’re so sweet and thoughtful to each other even in times of crisis. She accidentally sews his sleeve to his arm. She’s not perfect. Side hilarity: there’s a scene where Jason Bateman get’s a knife thrown at him and it goes right in his bullet hole and he screams WOW RIGHT IN MY BULLET HOLE. Outside of this scene, Annie is pleading for her life “please I have kids at home!” and the bad guy says “not with that ass u don’t” and she’s nervous but flattered and accepts his compliment it’s awkward and cute the face she makes. BUT I AM ON HIS SIDE. MAN, WHAT. A. BOOTY. Then another cute part happens seconds later when she hangs upside down from the emergency exit in the plane and says a witty line after saving her husband. And then she asks “baby is that a knife in your bullet hole?!” They have a talk and they want to have kids so that they can breed the most dominant kid. Our kid will crush all the other kids! I can’t get over her steel blue eyes they’re almost like ice gray.

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1)  About Time (2013)

this is one movie where I would really advise watching it first. It’s just such a good movie and might be my favorite of all time movie. This will have some spoilers, especially if you don’t know the concept of the movie.

Mary: They meet in pitch black. I actually think this is a brilliant idea. Rachel McAdams has the best voice. I could fall in love just on that. BUT she has bangs initially which would make me hesitate.  The way she looks at him and hopes to see him again is just the world. Tim gets her number “I thought my phone was old and shit but now suddenly it’s my most valuable possession.” AGREED, TIM. He gets to make three first impressions on her technically. They have incredible playful bickering. Margot Robbie shows up for a brief time and man that is my Sophie’s choice if I ever seen one. Margot Robbie or Rachel McAdams. One of my favorite quotes is when his mom meets Mary for the first time “oh you’re pretty.” and Mary/Rachel says oh stop I’m just wearing a lot of makeup and Tim’s mom says “good. it’s very bad for a girl to be too pretty, it stops her development of a sense of humor or personality.” And I think about that often. One of my favorite scenes is their wedding when she is walking down the aisle at him in slow mostly kinda sashaying but it’s to the song she said turned down!! She told him no initially, but surprised him with his song choice on the wedding day. Amazing. Beautiful. It’s actually now a song that I really like. She looks stunning in a red wedding dress tbh. The way she walks towards him, I would die. It’s raining and windy and stormy and so shitty outside but she couldn’t be cooler about it all. Watching her try on dresses in their room and having Tim hate every minute of it is hilarious, but that’s what I dream of. here is where the movie gets real. So his dad is dying, it’s really a father/son movie I think. Rachel McAdams is just heavily featured, this is all about Tim. But Tim’s mom “I am so uninterested in a life without your father.” THAT GETS ME. This is when I start crying. I fucking lose it when he plays ping pong with his dad the last time. And his dad asks if this is the last time.

Anyway, so I love Rachel McAdams.

 

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