March 17th. The day for all the fair-skinned imps to lather up and show themselves in public. We head to Sherlock’s which is a British pub which is the same thing as an Irish pub so it was crawling with every person in North Dallas claiming “oh yeah my grandpa was part Irish.” I grab my green beer and we head towards the back away from the crowd of lunatics. THEY HAVE DART BOARDS. LET’S PLAY. Continue reading
Stories
Nobody likes a tattletale
Valentine’s Day. 2017. I’m alone (im as shocked as u are.) Why not be a man and go to the gun range? It’s been awhile since I’ve shot. And my friend Sassy said it was very “chic single man” of me to do so and I will never go against her. She’s always right. She always says chic so I do too. Continue reading
happy valentines day i pissed myself
I am never not peeing. I’m going right now actually. For some reason, I wanted to start being semi-healthier. A slow start is necessary though. I figured I would drink a gallon of water per day, to keep me from drinking Dr Pecker or beer. I heard there were benefits. Better skin, more energy, etc. I could use that. I mean if ‘yonce does it then I should probably give it a shot.
my hiatus is probably over

Sorry for the delay since my last post. But I have been on hiatus until I could think of something to write about. My newest protest in the meantime will be not eating again until Dez catches it. Continue reading
The weekend my baby (twin) sister got married A.K.A. the weekend I threw up for the first time since May 2012

Ah, young love.
My sister’s wedding was this past weekend and she was nice enough to invite me. I’ll never forget that about her. I’ve been preparing for my big day for weeks.
A weekend with friends that I met this weekend
- me and my new friends i met a few hours ago having a blast drinking and being friends
Okay so I did know two (2) people going into this weekend. But they were the most important ones. I knew the birthday girl and her bestfriend. And I was promised tacos so I said ok I’ll be there.
Bitches Love Me: My Life as a Dogsitter
MY LIFE HAS BEEN AMAZING OVER THE PAST MONTH. I AM SWIMMIN IN WOMEN. I mean bitches. Ok it’s just dogs. But still I’m pretty happy with how it’s going. Getting money to have a dog? Sign me up. Oh wait, I already am.

is this crude
Call me stan the man with a plan and no tan pls dont call me that
ok first off i would like to reiterate please don’t call me that. But I didn’t know what else to title this.

LITTLE DOES SHE KNOW
The best lines that never get me a date

damn girl are u a firework, because you’re really pretty and im scared of you.
you’re cuter than kittens dressed up as puppies Continue reading
Sir Winston Marie Ketron Lockridge

Ok so maybe he’s not actually my dog. But I love him as if he was. I’m his adopted father since we never knew his real daddy and his mother was eaten by a coyote when he was just a baba. But Winnie is the best dog I have ever met. I’m scared to actually go get my own dog bc what if they aren’t as good as Winston is?? I can’t return it, it’s not a pair of shorts from old navy. Continue reading