Happy St. Patty’s Day, Mom. I got a tattoo.

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March 17th. The day for all the fair-skinned imps to lather up and show themselves in public. We head to Sherlock’s which is a British pub which is the same thing as an Irish pub so it was crawling with every person in North Dallas claiming “oh yeah my grandpa was part Irish.” I grab my green beer and we head towards the back away from the crowd of lunatics. THEY HAVE DART BOARDS. LET’S PLAY. Continue reading

happy valentines day i pissed myself

I am never not peeing. I’m going right now actually. For some reason, I wanted to start being semi-healthier. A slow start is necessary though. I figured I would drink a gallon of water per day, to keep me from drinking Dr Pecker or beer. I heard there were benefits. Better skin, more energy, etc. I could use that. I mean if ‘yonce does it then I should probably give it a shot.

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Sir Winston Marie Ketron Lockridge

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WINNIE

Ok so maybe he’s not actually my dog. But I love him as if he was. I’m his adopted father since we never knew his real daddy and his mother was eaten by a coyote when he was just a baba. But Winnie is the best dog I have ever met. I’m scared to actually go get my own dog bc what if they aren’t as good as Winston is?? I can’t return it, it’s not a pair of shorts from old navy. Continue reading